Bi Week 2021: 7 Questions I Was Asked When I Came Out as Bisexual

There’s no doubt you’re going to be treated as a different person after your ‘coming-out’. Especially for someone like me, a person who was born and raised in Ukraine -  one of the most homophobic countries in Europe, like Russia or Poland. You get the idea.

So, what do I do? I don’t want to be hiding in the shadows and not reveal my true self to the people I love and care about. Society can’t stop me - at least from telling my parents and friends the truth. 

So there I was, at the dinner table, enjoying food and talking with my parents. We were having such a great conversation that I thought to myself, “This is the right moment to do it”. My 18-year-old self, out of the blue, told them that I love women and men equally.

“Do you mean, like, in a platonic way?”, my mother asked.

“No, like, in a sexual way.”, I replied and continued sipping my coke, waiting for their reaction.

Both parents were looking at me suspiciously like I’d committed some sort of crime. When my father stopped and understood how serious I was, he started interrogating me.

“Don’t you think this is just a phase you’ll overcome?”

God, no. It was a phase several years ago when I dated girls and boys, trying to understand who I am. Now, after having an experience with both, I can proudly say I can date both. They are special in their own ways. It’s unreal for me to not feel attraction to both of them and enjoy their company. It’s natural.

“So…there is no chance we can hope for grandkids?”

I explained that of course there is hope, there are so many different ways to become a parent these days. 

“So you are just experimenting then?”, my mother claimed.

No, I’m not. I am who I am. I’m bisexual.

After their initial questioning however, they rolled with it just fine.

The hardest part, however, was when I opened up about my sexuality to my girlfriend. By the look on her face, I could tell she was either shocked, or speechless, or both. 

Her first question surprised me;

“Are you going to cheat on me with a man?”

I don’t know. Are you? You’re straight and all… 

No, but seriously. Being bisexual doesn’t mean I will cheat on you. The assumption that bi people are just greedy and destined to cheat is incredibly biphobic. If I’m in a relationship with you, I’m no more likely to cheat than a heterosexual partner. Cheating has nothing to do with someone's sexuality.

“But you love and date me. Doesn’t that make you straight?”

No. Just because a bi person is in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, that doesn’t make them straight. It may be a straight passing relationship but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I could be in a relationship with someone of the same sex in the future. 

Put it this way, if you are in a heterosexual relationship, does that mean you no longer feel attracted to anyone else but your partner? No, right? That would be absurd. It’s just the same for bi people, despite whoever we’re currently in a relationship with, we can still be attracted to other people, just in my case it’s both men and women.

Friends liked to laugh it off when I slightly mentioned my bisexuality until I took my guts and told them everything. Thankfully, everyone took the news well. We were friends after all and this couldn’t destroy our friendship - maybe even strengthen it!

But there was one question from some friends that I should mention.

“Are you going to propagandize LGBT to us?”

It wasn’t something I’m used to hearing, but you can come across this weird myth of LGBT propaganda and its effects on everybody. Every day, more and more people tend to believe that LGBT propaganda is real and it could turn even the straightest person on the planet gay.

But it’s not.

It doesn’t exist.

But we exist. And we should be proud of who we are, no matter what. Telling people that we exist is a crucial part of our journey to achieve and embrace equality. And the best thing to do is to start telling about yourself to your close ones - as I did! 

Yes, it’s hard, and explaining your sexuality to straight people is stressful but it’s necessary. Necessary so that you can continue your journey as you. The real you.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

This article was written by Oleksandr Derevianchenko (He/Him). Oleksandr is a bisexual journalism student from Ukraine who is passionate to be who he is. Be risky, adventurous and thriving - it's his life motto. He enjoys loud companies, helping people to feel better, and running long distances to his dreams.