How Does Domestic Abuse Affect the LGBTQ+ Community? Info, Stats & How to Get Help

Even though studies show LGBTQ+ individuals suffer domestic abuse at the same rate as heterosexual women, domestic violence is often less talked about in the community — and fewer queer victims seek help.

So, in honour of Domestic Violence Awareness Month this October, we want to shed light on domestic abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships (whether it’s between current or previous intimate partners, or between family members) and share how to get help if you think you or someone you know is a victim of abuse.

Stonewall’s national surveys found that one in four lesbians and bisexual women have experienced domestic abuse in a relationship — four in ten for those with a disability. Two thirds of those say the perpetrator was a woman, a third a man. They also found that half (49%) of all gay and bisexual men have experienced at least one incident of domestic abuse from a family member or partner since the age of 16.

The statistics may be even higher for the trans community. A study from the Scottish Transgender Alliance found that up to 80% of trans people had experienced emotionally, sexually or physically abusive behaviour from a partner or ex-partner .

In a survey by GALOP , a charity that supports LGBTQ+ victims and survivors of domestic abuse, 29% of 5,000 LGBTQ+ people surveyed said they’d suffered abuse from their family and 43% of trans and non-binary folk asked had experienced higher levels of abuse from family members.

Abusers in LGBTQ+ relationships use the same tactics to gain power and control as abusers in heterosexual relationships — the same goes for abusive family members. Forms of abuse can vary, but the most common are physical, sexual or emotional abuse, financial control, and coercive behaviour.

In LGBTQ+ relationships, abusers can also use their partner’s or family member's sexuality against them. They might:

• Threaten to ‘out’ them without their consent to their employer, family or community.

• Criticise them for not being a ‘real’ queer person if they have only recently come out or had heterosexual relationships previously.

• Tell them this is ‘just how it is’ in an LGBTQ+ relationship.

• Say they ‘deserve’ the abuse and make them feel that no one will help them.

• Claim that domestic abuse doesn’t happen in queer relationships.

• Cut off their support network by making them seem like the problem to family, friends and the community.

• Say the abuse is mutual or an expression of masculinity.

• Play on the idea that agencies (like the Police) are homophobic to continue the abuse.

• Force them into marriage to hide their true sexuality – you can find more information about forced marriage within the LGBTQ+ community in this fact sheet from Imaan , an LGBTQ+ Muslim support group.

Some LGBTQ+ individuals can also be abused by their former heterosexual partners when they go into their first queer relationship. In this instance, abusers can use the process of “coming out” as a form of control. 

If you or someone you know in the LGBTQ+ community is experiencing domestic abuse, know that help is out there. 

National Helpline for LGBTQ+ Victims and Survivors of Abuse and Violence

The confidential helpline is open to LGBTQ+ individuals in the UK, as well as friends, family members and professionals who are worried that a queer person is being abused. You can ring the helpline on 0800 999 5428 on Monday to Thursday from 10am to 8:30 pm and Friday from 10am to 4:30pm.

Alternatively, get support by emailing help@galop.org.uk , chatting with the GALOP team via webchat or using the 24/7 online chatbot to access information and resources (if you don’t need immediate support).

The LGBT Foundation Helpline 

Get free advice and support on a range of issues including domestic violence. There’s also a face-to-face counselling service that uses a sliding scale depending on how much you can pay. Ring the helpline on 0345 330 30 30 between 9am to 9pm on weekdays and between 10am and 6pm on Saturday and Sunday (excluding bank holidays and religious festivals).

Independent Choices Greater Manchester 

While not LGBTQ+ specific, the Greater Manchester domestic abuse helpline offers support to queer individuals in Greater Manchester experiencing abuse as well as concerned friends, family and professionals. They work closely with organisations in the area to get you into a safe place and help you going forward. Call the helpline on 0800 254 0909 Monday to Friday from 10am to 4pm or email helpline@independentchoices.org.uk.

You can also download their safety plan to help you feel safer while remaining with the abuser or if you’re making plans to leave.