Real LGBTQ+ Adoption Stories: The Journey to Parenthood

LGBTQ+ Adoption & Fostering Week returns this month to celebrate adopters and foster carers from the queer community, as well as raise awareness of adoption and fostering options for LGBTQ+ folk. This year, we're marking the event by sharing the inspiring adoption stories of LGBTQ+ parents – including their advice to those hoping to grow their rainbow family through adoption!

Sara and her wife Charlotte adopted their daughter in December 2024.

“We got married in 2014 and always knew we wanted a family. Adoption was always at the back of our minds but we didn’t think it was necessarily our path. But after a few unsuccessful rounds of IUI and IVF, we started to look at our options. After registering with our local adoption agency and passing the initial steps, we had a bit of a break before starting the next part of our journey – we had no idea our trip to Glastonbury would be the last holiday as just the two of us!

“There were lots of people in our prep group and everyone’s journeys were so different. But many of us kept in touch and two of them are now some of our closest friends. After we finished this stage and passed approval, we were given access to a website with all the children’s profiles. You want to look after them all, but at the same time, you've got to think about yourselves and what you can handle as a couple.

“We didn't see our daughter’s profile at first. We were actually having conversations about another little girl, but we kept being sent her profile. As soon as we clicked on it, we knew straight away. We just saw her cheeky little smile and we knew.

“When it came to meeting her, the whole process was very emotionally draining. You’re trying to take everything in, while also making sure you’re showing the best version of yourself. You really want this small person to love you!

“Bringing her home was one of the most exciting and scary days ever. A few days later, reality hit – we realised we were in charge of this tiny little human. We had to introduce her to our dogs and at the start she clung to me like a koala bear. Now, when we ask her which of us she wants to take her to bed, she says the dogs. It’s hard to imagine life without her.”

“Be as honest and as truthful as possible. The forms you fill out aren’t just pieces of paperwork, and everything is followed up. Social workers are already starting to wonder which child will best suit you! They asked what our mantras were, and Charlotte put down, ‘Don’t be a d**k!’

“When you’re looking at profiles, don’t make any rash decisions. You’ll undoubtedly want to look after all of them but you’ve really got to think about what you can do for this child – how can you make sure this child has the best opportunity to live the fullest life?

“Also, be open-minded to your support network. I thought my family and current friendship circle would be my support network, but we’ve become so close to a couple from our prep group. Their little girl moved in with them a month after our daughter moved in with us and they’ve become besties already. I don't think anyone can truly understand what you've gone through as adopters without going through the process themselves – I couldn’t have done the past 9/10 months without them!”

Peri and his husband James adopted their daughter, Summer, in September 2022.

“We started the adoption process two and a half years ago. We went through Adoption Counts and after an initial assessment, we were assigned to a social worker. We got on really well with them throughout the process, which definitely made it a lot more enjoyable!

“We then started with our prep group, which is mandatory training that all adopters have to complete. We were given lots of information about adoption, including what the process looks like, different potential scenarios of those in the care system, and how to deal with trauma. This was a really eye-opening experience, but since my husband and I are in education, we’ve both had experiences supporting people from the care system so we had a more open mind.

“A lot of adopters will say that the process is quite intrusive, but neither of us felt that. It was a little bit like free therapy because we got to talk about ourselves, our relationship, our upbringing, and our hopes and fears. The fact that we are a same-sex couple was never a hindrance in the process.

“Generally, we had a really smooth adoption journey. However, the fact that the process takes such a long time can definitely put some people off. It’s also stressful feeling like you’re constantly on hold, and waiting for one thing to lead onto the next. You never quite know what’s going to happen and if there will be delays along the way. But that’s just a part of the process!”

“Do your research! That doesn’t have to be reading a book about adoption, but watching videos, listening to podcasts and speaking to friends about the process. There are so many adoption stories out there, and local groups also might have information on adoption that will help you.

“It’s good to be open and honest, whether that’s being open about your fears, your worries, or just being open to your social worker to talk about yourselves. They’re there to help you and if they spot anything they will try to help you overcome it. They want you to be successful in the process just like you do. Adoption is such a great thing, and in the end, you can hopefully have a family like we’ve had!”

Laura and their wife adopted their daughter through the foster-to-adopt process, which involves fostering a child with the potential for adoption.

“We fostered our daughter for 10 months before we were actually able to adopt her. For these 10 months, I was on adoption/maternity leave and would have contact time with her and her birth mum every day Monday to Friday. Over this period in the foster-to-adopt process, social workers explore every avenue to keep the child within the birth family if they can, so it’s an extremely nerve-wracking process for the two foster parents who ideally want to adopt them.

“You have to be really resilient to go through foster-to-adopt, and the social worker told us that one in 10 children return to the birth family if they can find someone capable of looking after them. But it also meant that we watched our daughter hit lots of big milestones. We saw her sit up for the first time, speak her first word and crawl!

“She came to us in June 2020, which was soon into the Covid-19 pandemic. We got a phone call about half past four on a Friday to tell us there was a baby, and we were asked to take her the following Monday. They said, have you got any questions? And for some reason, we said, no!Which is something we still laugh about to this day.

“All the baby shops were closed, so a store owner in the town across let us sneak in through the back door to pick up some baby supplies. It was like a covert operation! They showed up on Monday with her at seven o'clock in the evening, but we had been ready since half six in the morning. It was the longest day of my life.”

“Be prepared for paperwork! There’s so much bureaucracy behind adoption, which seems really weird because this is about children’s lives and decisions that will change your family forever. Everything seems so massive to you but social workers are also helping so many others in the same situation.

“There was no negativity, or difference in the training or assessments because we were an LGBTQ+ couple. Everything was inclusive. When we were in a room with the other couples waiting for training, there was a woman who was adopting on her own and was there with her mum.

“During the process, they make you do all this homework where you examine your upbringing, your own relationship with your parents, and your parenting. Our social worker said the best thing you can do is to treat it like free therapy! On day one, we told her about the things that might prevent us from adopting, like past anxiety struggles and bereavement. She said all of these experiences made us more qualified to be an adopter, not less. If you’ve never experienced trauma, how can you empathise with a child who has lost everything?

“All the things you maybe see as negatives about your past or your experiences are actually things that will equip you to help and understand some of the experiences these children have got.”

A big thank you to Sara, Peri, and Laura for sharing their adoption stories with us. 

At Rainbow & Co, we’re honoured to support Proud 2 b Parents, an incredible organisation delivering services for LGBTQ+ parents/carers and their children in Greater Manchester and the North West. You can shop our collection with Proud 2 b Parents below.