My Trans Story: Growing Up, Coming Out, and Thriving as a Trans Man in the UK

This year, Trans Day of Visibility (TDOV) is more important than ever. The 31st of March marks a time to celebrate the trans+ community worldwide, and help trans+ folk feel seen through positive and realistic representation. In light of TDOV 2025, Adam Holcroft-Tebbutt (founder of Rainbow & Co ) has shared his story as a trans man, in the hope that trans+ folk around the world feel safe, seen and supported to live as their most authentic selves.

The reason I wanted to share my story this Trans Day of Visibility is because I know I could have transitioned much earlier (and been happier much earlier!) if I knew that others felt the same way. If you’re questioning your gender, know that it is a normal thing and if you choose to transition, you can still live an amazing and fulfilling life.

I have always identified as male for as long as I can remember. However, I didn’t know that being trans was even a thing until I saw a Channel 4 documentary at around 14 years old. This is when I first heard the term ‘transgender.’

Throughout my childhood, everyone would describe me as a tomboy. When I was around three years old, I asked my mum to start calling me Michael – despite not even knowing anyone called Michael! I had a doll that I carried around with me but I was the doll’s dad, not the doll’s mum. In the playground and with friends at home it was just accepted that I was always the ‘dad’ or the ‘brother' during make believe games.

In primary school, people generally didn’t care, but come high school, I noticed a big difference. I was bullied a lot because I was masc-presenting and bullies would call me a lesbian. I knew I wasn’t a lesbian, I've never been attracted to women, but I didn’t really know who I was instead – I had no idea that being transgender was even a thing.

Before I left high school, I cut most of my hair off. I'd been asking my Mum for my hair to be cut short for years and she finally relented, I went from a long ponytail to short spiky hair! This really made everyone think I was a queer woman and in some ways, I wished I was a lesbian. If I was, I could at least claim the identity that I was being bullied with – I could have come out as a gay kid at school and whilst I'm sure the bullying would have continued, at least everything would have made sense.

It wasn’t until I was around 14 that I discovered the word transgender. I watched a documentary on Channel 4 about two transgender kids. There was a boy called George and I really identified with everything he was experiencing. I finally felt like I had the language to express what I was going through – I finally realised the word I was looking for was transgender.

Within a few months of watching that documentary, I told my mum that I was trans. I was too scared to say it at first, so I wrote it in a notebook and left it under her pillow. I told her that my name was Jack (after Captain Jack Harkness *cringe*) – and that’s still my middle name today! We wrote back and forth for a while and although she found it difficult at first, I don't think she was really shocked. 

Since watching the documentary I had done lots of research online but this was all new to my Mum and so she went to our GP for some advice. Our GP was the loveliest person, but she didn’t have any experience with supporting trans kids so couldn’t do much for my mum but listen. At this point, things really stalled for a bit.

I was put on loads of waiting lists and had lots of doctor’s appointments. I also quit the girl’s football team and told the coach it was for personal reasons. I just knew I couldn’t play on a girl’s team anymore and my masculine appearance was causing trouble when we played matches away with players on other teams yelling that it's not fair they had a boy playing.

I felt stuck as I was considered a child and too young to make decisions for myself. There had even been a comment that when I turned 18 I could do as I wanted but until then I needed to just put up with things.

After Sixth Form, I did a year’s foundation degree at a local college. When I enrolled, I asked them to change my name to Adam, which was my mum’s choice for if I had been assigned male when I was born! I changed my name for free via deed poll – many trans+ folk don’t know you can do this without having to pay anyone! 

Even though there were people on my course who knew me from Sixth Form, no one was really surprised when I came out as trans. For this one year, it all felt fine.

I wanted to start transitioning properly before I went off to university and met new people but found that the NHS waiting lists were taking too long. I ended up using inheritance money to go private – I remember feeling annoyed that my sister and cousins got to spend theirs on luxuries whilst I spent mine on accessing medical care. It felt really unfair. I think people always forget about the financial burden of transitioning and think that transitioning is a choice. I was, and am, very privileged to even have had the option to pay for some private treatment but faced with the alternative of no longer living it was an easy decision.

The summer before university, I started testosterone. When I got there, I didn’t come out to anyone. Everyone just thought I was a really feminine gay man – which isn’t wrong! I went to the LGBT+ Society and everyone there was lovely to me. However, I was also living as an undiagnosed autistic, which was a separate journey entirely.

The next step was top surgery and I had to wait until I finished university because I was registered at multiple GP's and there was such a delay in signing me off. The time waiting for top surgery really dragged as I felt it was the one thing that would out me to people at University. I was binding my chest but this caused rib pain and other side effects so surgery couldn't come soon enough.

The whole surgery process was absolutely fine – it didn’t feel like a big thing at all. I felt like I would rather die on the surgery table being masculinised than continue living with these body parts. I didn't experience any pain at all, I think in part because I *wanted* the surgery but also because I experience pain differently to others due to being autistic. It was weird!

A few years later, I had a full hysterectomy. Like with my top surgery, I think the process was more painless because this was all I had ever wanted. The most painful part was getting my catheter removed! I've not had any other surgery since then and I'm not sure if I ever will. Technology and techniques used in trans+ surgery are always improving so who knows!

Since then, my whole life has turned around. When I first realised I was transgender, I resigned myself to the fact that I would be alone for the rest of my life but just a couple of months ago I got married! When I first met my future husband, I was upfront about the fact I was trans and autistic in my dating profile. It didn’t phase him in the slightest – when I was younger, I had no idea that people who were this accepting even existed.

It can be easy to feel like the world’s against you when you’re early on in your transition. I felt the exact same way at the start of my journey but life does figure itself out!

Someone wrote in my high school yearbook that they had always admired me for being my true self, despite when everyone was bullying me. Now, my goal in life is to be as visible and authentic as possible, so that other people around me can be fully themselves as well.